Guest Blogger - Kevin! "Promises bring new memories"

Hello all!  I have taken over the blog for a special post that I wanted to share with you.  First, I want to thank everyone for all the love, thoughts, and prayers sent our way.  It was overwhelming.  My dad was truly larger than life and loved by so many.

I wanted to share a personal story and moment that I had with my father.

As my dad's health was deteriorating, I made multiple trips back home to sit with him at the hospital. This was special time for us.  I held his hand, told him I loved him over and over and just talked.  I talked to him about everything and anything.  The problem I had was that it was just about the past or the present.  My dad needed to know about his future life and all the great things he was going to be a part of.  I made a promise to myself that on the next trip up, I was going to fill him in on a few things that I have not told anyone.

I flew up the following Monday as his prognosis worsened.  I rushed to the hospital eager to tell him a few things that he needed to know.  I sat next to him and he looked at me and whispered he loved me and gave me a fist bump.  I told him I loved him and also said, "Dad, I need to tell you a few things about your future.  I don't know when these things are going to happen, but I promise that it

will.  First, you are going to have another grand pup.  His or her name is going to be Cannoli and they will be a goldendoodle.  Second, you will have another grandchild one day.  We hope when we do get pregnant, it will be a girl.  Her name will be......" (obviously I can't spill the beans to the rest of you.  Only he knows.)  He looked at me and smiled and whispered, "Thank you for sharing.  I love you so much"  It was an amazing moment that I am so happy we had and I will never forget it.

Great story right?  Well, put away your tissues because now we get to explore my father's terrible sense of humor.  Recently I get a call from my wife that there is a group of Goldendoodles looking to be adopted.  They were the color and weight we were looking for and once again, needed good homes.  I was reluctant to go, but I just made a promise to my dad on his death bed about the future dog.  Surely, he was not expecting me to get one now was he?

The whole family makes the ride to see the puppies.  We show up to see the runt of the litter.  The foster mom tells us about her.  She mentions that they did not think this dog was going to live.  They said that she was one of the toughest fighters they have ever seen.  She would drag herself to her mother so she could get food and she never stopped fighting.  Now she was just as playful and full of energy as the rest of her siblings.  She was also the sweetest, most caring puppy.  All she wanted to do when she was not playing was to have her belly rubbed and snuggle.  Heather and I looked at each other and thought, an animal that never stops fighting and is filled with love and kindness, is this a sign?  To me, it was.  My dad fought cancer until the end and was one of the most loving, and caring out there.  How do we not adopt this pup? He is pretty much telling us that we need to, right?

Well dad, thanks.  We did adopt Cannoli and my promise of the future grand pup is here.  I know you would have loved her and would have wrestled her up and down the house and loved to take her potty.

To everyone else, we are happy to introduce Cannoli to the family.  She will be anywhere between 30-40lbs.  She still has to pass a few state tests before she can come home but we think she will be here right after Christmas.  We are looking forward to getting her and know that Grandpa would be beyond excited.

Thanks for spending time with me.  I am now turning this back over to Heather!  This is too much work! Oh and ps, we aren't pregnant.  Sorry mom......

  Old school BBall Picture

                                                                        Cannoli!!!!!!

A Sad Goodbye

It is with the heaviest of hearts that I write this, Kevin's father has passed away this afternoon.

I started writing this entry several times, and on each occasion I had to walk away because I couldn't find the right words.  I would write in my head as I ran, or had time to gather my thoughts and little by little I've pieced this together.  I planned on having this written before he passed because in a way it's a letter to him too, but things all happened so quickly that I didn't have enough time- there never is enough time when it comes to a loved one being with us on earth.  Today the words seem to flow effortlessly, maybe because he's standing beside me writing this entry with me.

When I started this blog, I like any other new parent envisioned all the wonderful things life has to offer a tiny new human. When you daydream about what your child's story will be you never include all the heartbreak and sadness that every life accrues, and then something like this happens and you realize it's part of living.  I haven't talked about Kevin's dad's fight with cancer before because I simply assumed that this would be a small blip in his life story.  That he would once again over come the cancer and it would be part of his life story and not Landon's.  Sadly, that isn't the case and it's just as much part of Landon's story than ever.

As I've said before, I have always hoped that one day when Landon's older he'd read this blog and look back at it as a baby book of sorts.  It's been the most difficult entry that I've ever had to write and the best way I know how is to put it into a letter.  I'm just sorry I never finished this before he passed.

Dear Landon,

Tears fill my eyes as I write you this letter.  It's not an easy one to write, as you can imagine but right now you're too young to understand all that's happening around you.  A small part of me is thankful for this, because I'm thankful that I can at least shield you from the unimaginable pain that one feels when they loose a loved one.  The bigger part of me is so sad that you will grow up not knowing this amazing person.  I think that's the hardest part for your dad and I as we face this.  Not the loss for ourselves, because even though it's never enough time, we had time with your Grandpa.  We shared memories and laughter and love with him.  Our hearts break for you,  because you will never have memories of this larger than life man.

I wish so much that you could have grown up with this special person in your life.  You so deserve to learn about him for yourself.  I promise as you grow older and you ask us questions about him, I'll do my best to describe your Grandpa, but I don't think that I could ever find the words to adequately to so.  I apologize for that.  It's hard to do him justice by only words- he was a presence you just needed to be around to fully understand the greatness of this man.   He had a personality larger than life - his laugh could fill a room, his smile warm your heart and his positive attitude become infectious.  If the world had more people like your Grandfather it would be a much better place.

Grandpa cried tears of joy when we told him that we were pregnant with you.  I don't think anyone was more excited to have you join our family then he was- and even though your time together was short he cherished every single moment with you.  From the first time he met you and you would nap in his arms, to the last time when you joyiously ran around the living room as he passed you pieces of donuts.

Know that Grandpa didn't leave this world without a fight.  He fought this cancer with more strength and vigor than humanly possible.  I assure you that he did so in part for you, to watch you grow up and share your life with you.  I know it'll be hard but there will be moments in life where you'll pause and feel sad that he isn't there to partake in joyous occasion.  It'll be ok to feel sad, because all of us will but don't feel sad that he can't see you, he'll always be there watching you, filling the room with more pride than you could imagine.

We promise to keep his memory alive in you Landon, so you never will feel like you didn't know who this man was.  That you always feel his love for you, and that you will grow up becoming the person he would have hoped you to become.

Love,
Mom