Vedder's Response

Dear Baby Brother,

Look here, before you I was king of this castle for 6 years, do you hear me?  6 YEARS.  All of a sudden you come barging in this house and take over and quite frankly, I don't appreciate it.

You have officially taken over my walks with that giant contraption that you have to ride in.  I mean, are you seriously that lazy that you can't walk?  It's great exercise, and with the way that mom and dad call you a porker it sounds like you could use to burn some calories.  Just saying... Oh, and if your contraption runs my paw over one more time, I'm going to puncture a hole in the tire, so get it together.

I am a person who enjoys my sleep.  That means, when you cry and make mom get out of bed, you're not only interrupting my enjoyable snuggle time, you're waking me up.  I am exhausted from these shenanigans of yours.  We like to sleep in this house, and if you can't get it together I'm going to be sending you back to where you came from.

I don't know if you haven't noticed, but we share in this house.  Mom shares her food, Dad shares his food, I'd share my food (I've offered, but no one seems to want it, shame.)  However, you seem to share with no one.  You don't share that stuff you drink, you don't share your toys, you don't share your crate.  Nothing.  How is that a way to go through life?  Never sharing?  It's good manors to share.

I really dislike the fart noise, and I'm not sure what's going on in your bum region, but I hear a lot of that noise coming from there.  Seriously, it's not polite to make that noise, so maybe you could also work on that.  Mom should just enroll you in a class about manors.  You seem to have a lot to learn.

I'll give ya the crying, only because I have a serious barking problem.  It's my only way of communicating so I guess I can understand.  Maybe if you just stepped it down a level or two, you can't always get what you want you know.  Now when I bark too much I get sprayed with water, so I'd be careful if I were you...

Now, if by chance, you are able to get yourself together I'll be happy to show you the ropes around this place.  Like, they keep all the good stuff in the pantry.  So if you kick the door, and maybe give it a bark or two they'll give you a treat.  Sometimes you have to eat all your food before you get a treat.  Or go potty outside.  Which, I can teach you that too.  Maybe if you're lucky I can teach you how to lift your leg.  Also, if you want to snuggle, Mom's the better snuggler.  Dad tosses and turns too much, plus he snores which gets a bit annoying.  If you give them the most adorable face ever, they usually cave into giving you what ever you want, but try and save it for the really good stuff.

I really love Mom and Dad, so I'm willing to give this thing a shot since apparently you came from them.  In the meantime, I'll except bribes in the form of belly rubs, new toys, treats and walks.  Just for future reference.

Sincerely, (I'm not sure I'm ready to drop the L word with you...)
Your Puppy Brother